HUZZAH!!... My best friend / tyrannical maniac father is now convinced ( Finally..) that I AM a good kid and believes that I do study sufficiently enough to earn my computer privileges... ( That is why I've been missing for the past few days... I've been busy " studying " ie: Pretending to look really busy in order to get my parents offa my back...tough work..possibly even tougher than trying to remember PyFAGorus theorem...It's worth it though...the satisfaction of knowing you have fooled your parents is so very sweet.. Ngahahaha!.....(( You are only fooling yourself Bob..YOU are the one who is going to fail miserably in your exams for " defying " your parents.. Who's the fool then??))..... Aww..aw.....bu- DAMMIT!!! You and y-your y..LOGIC!! Quit raining on my parade!!!.. (( Feh.. ))..
Hrrnn!!.... * Crosses arms in defiance * HMPPH!!
* sister walks into room..* " Jesus Christ Bob.... are you quarreling with your imaginary friend again??..*mutters under breath* fuckin' nutcase..".....
" What the hell!!??..Conscience isn't my friend dammnit!!, I thought I already explained the whole social structure of my psycological psuedo- alternate personality complexes to you before!!...UGH!, Look..Conscience is not my "buddy" he is a cold critical bastard.. He would be closer to an "enemy" but he is really more the balance to my optimism.. He does help to keep my head straight when I get too ideal-* sister walks out of room..* ".. NEVER MIND.."....
" OI!!... Hey!!, I am talking to you dammnit!!, You get back he-AAAHH.. Forget it.. ..
Well, anyway....
Yes!, I have finally been granted access to the precious computer.. I am so happy to be reunited with my precious!!!
But what a sad character I am eh?...
Today was the last day of school for fifth form students at my school... all we had was a final assembly wishing us luck with our exams.. I received an award for English *Beams with pride*..but someone else also got an award for English..so yes..the feelings of " special-ness " quickly faded.
( Waah! not fair!! I don't wanna share my title!! *sniff* )... Yes.. overall it was a nice farewell assembly..
..and it's a nice fine day... most students left with plans on going to the mall..or just generally hanging out..
~ And how do I wish to spend my free time?~
...Sitting in front of a computer screen...typing this shit..
*sigh* ... It's not that I don't mind being some degree of social reject...I'm more worried about myself because of the fact that I thoroughly enjoy being alone with my computer..
It sounds really pathetic I know, that I would turn down an offer to go out with my friends in order to score extra computer time.. or just to write... I spend alot of time writing about myself, and how I feel about things and stories and situations for characters that I make up and even the odd half-assed poem... ( I wrote something yesterday..I may post it in another journal entry.. )....
I don't know why exactly I like to be alone... humans are social animals... I do enjoy talking to people..but I like to sit back and listen and watch what's happening... I like to observe things..I like to try and predict what people are going to say.. and try to guess what they're thinking.. ( Probably something along the lines of " Okkaaay.... Why is this fuckwit staring at my face.. He's not even like, looking at my face..He keeps tilting his head at different angles..It's like he's trying to look INTO my face or some shit..TSH..What a weirdooo.." ).... and I try to read people's body language ( I have a book about it... It's a guide intended for employers so they can learn to pick out a good worker in job interviews.. It is a very interesting book..)... It's like I'll be talking in a group and I'll try to pick out who are displaying signs of dis-agreement with me.. who looks open to opinions.. who is pretending to understand what everyone is talking about.. who is bored out of their fucking mind but is trying to conceal those feelings for the sake of politeness... That kind of stuff.
I also try to stay aware of my body language... I try not to look angry and jealous when someone joins and starts to take lead in on a conversation that I am having with a friend.. I try to look confident and content in myself by working on my posture ( As you most probably know..slouching don't look too hot..).... I try not to look embarrassed and ashamed by laughing at myself when I trip up on the stairs at school...I do stuff like that yeah.
Maybe I over think everything.
Maybe that's why I always get a little stressed and depressed at times... I have to learn to forget it all sometimes.. try not to think too much or make plans...
Just go with it.... stop trying to always make everyone happy.. don't have to smile all the time when I'm with people while saving my snarling and aggression for my journals...... Let go Bob.
....
HAH!, I can be my own psychiatrist!...
( That would certainly make my parents happy...
Do you know how fuckin' expensive it is to go see a shrink??!!)

~ Bob- A- Lob